Here’s what’s going to happen: I’m going to talk about the ending of TDKR, focusing on one or two particular things that didn’t make a ton of sense to me. But, because I know people will freak out if I post spoilers all over their Dashboards, I’m going to put everything after both a jump AND the music video for “Kiss from a Rose” by Seal. So if you don’t want to see me rant and rave about the last 10 minutes of the movie, enjoy the soothing tones of Seal explaining his power, pleasure, and pain, and go on your merry way. I won’t be offended at all.
OK, we all good now? Great. Here goes.
How did anyone know Bruce Wayne “died”? The last anyone saw of him he was being led off by Catwoman and some goons, very much alive. I get that people would think Batman died, but only like four people knew that it was actually Bruce Wayne flying that Bat-thingy out to sea. And yet, the next thing we hear about the billionaire playboy is that his will is being read and his remaining assets are being distributed to Alfred and the Gotham City orphans. And it seemed like it happened awfully fast.
Could he have been declared dead? Sure. But seeing as the public at large saw him as a self-destructive billionaire — who had just gone broke in spectacular fashion, by the way — you’d think a bunch of red flags would have gone up, especially if he had any kind of life insurance policy. The people in charge of handing out death certificates, executing wills, and paying out insurance policies are not big on doing those things when there’s (a) no body, (b) mysterious circumstances, and (c) motive to disappear. Before that would happen there would have probably been an extended and exhaustive missing persons case.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT.
He’s just gallivanting around Europe now? With no disguise? With a fairly infamous cat burglar? Stay with me here: if our country’s biggest city (New York) had gone through everything Gotham went through, and one of its most famous billionaire/philanthropists (pick a Rockefeller) was nowhere to be found after it was saved, that would have been a big deal, right? Of course. His picture would have been all over the world’s newspapers and 24-hour news networks, which would make it pretty hard to enjoy a nice cup of cappuccino in an outdoor cafe with your sticky-fingered girlfriend. That clean slate program he gave her could have wiped their records (I guess), but unless he also had one of those silver mind-wipers from Men In Black, and a way to broadcast it to every set of eyeballs in the world, he’s got bigger fish to fry. A facefish, to be specific.
None of that is to say I didn’t enjoy it. I did. There were booms and bangs and it paid off lots of stuff and I had a few drinks before it started and it looked AMAZING in IMAX. It was a really good movie, especially given the stratospheric expectations. But some of the stuff that happened at the end (OH AND ALSO HOW DID BRUCE WAYNE GET FROM SOME WEIRD CAVE PRISON IN THE DESERT TO GOTHAM CITY EVEN THOUGH HE HAD NO MONEY OR IDENTIFICATION OR BAT GIZMOS AND THERE WAS EXACTLY ONE ROUTE INTO THE CITY AND IT WAS GUARDED WITH A DICKLOAD OF TANKS AND SHIT) kind of bumped me a little. I don’t ask for perfection, and I recognize making movies is hard as hell, but I’d appreciate a tiny bit more than “and then everything worked out and everyone lived happily ever after amen” to close out a series. That’s all.
Anne Hathaway was cool, though.