[insert witty title here]

Hi, I'm Danger Guerrero. I do not understand tumblr.

Anonymous asked: You have two slices of pizza - one 20% wider than the other. Which do you eat first - smaller or larger?

You could do a hell of a lot worse than “Always eat the bigger slice of pizza first” as your guiding philosophy in life. It’s like “seize the day,” but with pizza. Carpe pizza, if you will.

Insomniac Movie Pitches

Last night at 1:30 a.m. I pitched a movie about a machine-gun-toting, vengeance-seeking elephant named Peanut.

Here it is. The greatest book ever.

Please read the Amazon description of Big Apple Takedown:

December 2001: Vince McMahon steps out of a snowy night into a diner in upstate New York for a meeting with old friend Phil Thomson, now a highly placed government official. Thomson has a strange proposition: creating a new covert black-ops group using the Superstars of World Wrestling Entertainment. The WWE’s talented men and women are perfect. Highly skilled athletes with the ideal cover, they travel all across the country and the globe; no one would find it unusual to find them in a town one day and gone the next. The government would train and support the wrestlers in every way possible except one: no one must know the truth.

March 2006: The Superstars have been handed their latest assignment — take down a commercial-grade methyl-amphetamine plant that is bankrolling terrorist activities in Europe. Their mission seems simple and straightforward, until a member of their team is taken prisoner. Now all that they’ve worked so hard for is in jeopardy, and one of their own might be killed…

Kickstarter: Help me purchase the rights to this book and fund a movie that I will write and direct. I’m begging you.

(via @BrianPickett)

ifc:

As The New York Times describes it, “The Spoils of Babylon is a six-part series… about a wealthy oil family that will spoof, in over-the-top fashion, the mini-series like ‘Roots’ and ‘The Winds of War’ that were mainstays of the broadcast networks in the 1970s and 1980s.” Jonrosh’s century-spanning saga, chronicles the sexy and dramatic lives of the Morehouses, led by Jonas Morehouse (Tim Robbins), his daughter Cynthia (Kristen Wiig) and her adopted brother Devon (Tobey Maguire) who made their fortune in the oil business.

The epic six part series begins on IFC in early 2014. Get yourself ready.

Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are heroes.

globochem:

Can’t beliebe this happened on Breaking Bad. Whoops, sorry, spoiler alert. 

<3 <3 <3

Here is a picture I drew of a very cool turtle riding his skateboard at the beach.

Here is a picture I drew of a very cool turtle riding his skateboard at the beach.

Still one of the best comedy sketches ever.

Break, Enter, Explore

Just finished this GQ article from March about urban exploring. Really fun read.

When we came out dripping from the underworld, a double-decker bus rolled past, but the driver paid no attention to our extremely conspicuous group emerging from a manhole at 2 a.m. We circled around the city again, Garrett restless, looking for something. He spied a ten-story construction site surrounded by chain-link and scaffolding. There was a small gap in the fence, just big enough to slip through. Garrett hauled himself effortlessly through to the scaffold. Wary of security guards and CCTV cameras, I followed as silently and elegantly as a bear clambering into a Dumpster. We made our way up an internal stairwell to the roof and onto the ladder of a massive construction crane. Finally we were sitting right next to the control cabin 150 feet up, feet dangled over the void, London glittering to the horizon. Garrett pointed out landmarks, famous and less so: Big Ben, the Eye, the Shard, St. Paul’s Cathedral, the Gherkin, the Walkie-Talkie, King’s Reach Tower. The names sounded like constellations or rock-climbing routes. In fact, he had summited most of them.

So if you need to kill some time before kickoff today, there you go.

Anonymous asked: Given your pseudonym and all the great work that has been done under it (i.e. breakdowns of music videos, Franklin and Bash, SBTB, 90s movies), how will you explain what you've been doing for the past few years to potential employers? This is assuming you don't have a "real" job and are 100% earning a living as DG. Please provide a narrative of the real you and a potential employer reviewing the last few years of your life in an interview.

Potential Employer: So, I notice a hole in your resume for a few years after you finished law school…

Me: Yes. I was in a coma.

END SCENE

Anonymous asked: Im in chile and there's a drink here where you take bad beer, put lemon and spicy pepper flakes, and salt and more spicy pepper flakes on the rim. Its great!

Shoutout to resourceful Chilean bartenders.