May 2013
20 posts
Okay … But What If Pete Campbell Gets Eaten By A... →
No, seriously. What if a bear just strolls into the office and eats Pete Campbell. How great would that be?
So here’s what I was up to this afternoon.
2 tags
Moose Hooters
Here’s what happened.
I was trying to track down this story from last year, about a moose who wandered into a Denver area Hooters and Harley Davidson dealership, because it is kind of hilarious and I wanted to email it to someone. The problem was that I couldn’t remember what animal was at the center of the story. All I could remember was that it involved some sort of woodland...
whineto5 asked: EXCUSE ME. OLD NAVY COMMERCIAL. BOYZ II MEN. CAN'T FORM SENTENCES. TOO EXCITED.
Anonymous asked: What's your favorite word that you ever used or will use in a professional setting? Mine is poppycock. I used it in a conference with architects, engineers and developers. The response was not great, but I think it was better than saying "this is a bunch of bullshit."
Anonymous asked: Why do the guys who are cheaters on Maury ALWAYS fall for the hidden decoy girl in the green room? They've obviously watched the show before, don't they know it's how you get caught? Idiots.
Anonymous asked: Hey Danger! Love your work on the Fast and the Furious franchises, also did you realize that Tyrese once guest starred on an episode of Blue's Clues????!?!?
Here Is A Video Of A Dog Dancing To ‘Mambo #5′ →
It’s Friday and nothing is happening. Here’s a video we made of a dog dancing to “Mambo #5.”
I made this. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.
Selected highlights from the Wikipedia page for...
The person who wrote this is an American treasure.
“Brian is a 16-year-old caucasian teenager that lives in Oklahoma. He is mad about basketball.”
“When practicing basketball on his driveway, his sister comes out to film him. He ends up hurting himself and the sister later gave the video to Connor, the star player of the basketball team.”
“Brian says ‘I wish...
1 tag
This is a really great place to have sex.
Grantland’s Alex Pappademas wrote a great piece about Iron Man 3 writer and director Shane Black. Please note this excerpt about the script for Lethal Weapon, which Black wrote when he was 24.
The most compelling character the script introduces is Shane Black, though. He’s a cocky, chatty authorial presence on the page, as in this passage, one of the finest descriptions of a drug...
Anonymous asked: Hi, Danger - I think you're great. Thanks for all the free entertainment.
Anonymous asked: Mermaids and Mermen (Merpeople?). Would they be like people on land, at the top of the food chain due to superior intelligence and tools/weapons? Or would they be constantly be under attack by the millions (literally millions) of different terrifying sea creature species?
Anonymous asked: So my fantastic boyfriend stayed up until 4 am last night watching Justified with me. 8 episodes in, it came to light that he didn't know Art's name was Art, and he thought me going on about "art" when he was on-screen was just me accurately describing the man's coolness. We've been dating three months, is it too soon to say "I love you"?
mechaninja asked: Will you please do a video breakdown for Sabotage? It seems to me like a terrible mistake to have overlooked doing it. I mean, I know it is awesome, rather than wacky like so much of what you breakdown, but I need to see that kind of love given to Sabotage sometime soon. Intergalactic would also be acceptable.
Anonymous asked: Asked this a few weeks back, but how lazy is the songwriting on the Chase Freedom Card commercial? Here are the lyrics, in case you forgot: "Been shopping, so smart, cash back with your Freedom card. Gain cash back, on what, close shave and haircut. Fan for the ceiling, you’re gonna cool off that hound. Tonight you gotta get your cash back, on new slacks, freedom on lunch with...
Anonymous asked: CHANGE JOE BIDEN LOOP FROM "COMPUTER VIEWING ONLY" SO I CAN GET TURNT UP WATCHING IT ON MY IPHONE.
‘The Walking Dead’ Gets The Bad Lip Reading... →
The geniuses from Bad Lip Reading have finally gotten to “The Walking Dead.”
“I farted on you when you put banana peppers in the Wheaties.”
Yes. Hello. Hi.
Here is the plan, tentatively.
I like answering people’s stupid questions. About whatever. But I always read them when they come in and then forget about them for weeks, because that’s kind of how my brain works and also I don’t have to prove anything to you people so back off. I think structure will help. What I’m thinking is that I’ll try to answer a few every...
April 2013
14 posts
Anonymous asked: I sent my buddy a text the other day that was supposed to say, "drank Manhattan", which auto correct decided to change it to "Frank Manhattan", which is now the best alias ever.
nottoodrunk asked: Will you be my partner on The Amazing Race?
Anonymous asked: Not so much a question, but something I thought you might enjoy. Thanks to a serendipitous combination of insomnia and the internet, I just discovered that "Murder, She Wrote" episodes often had DELIGHTFUL pun-laden titles. Seriously, they're like Nancy Grace hashtags, but from 1984. Examples: "No Laughing Murder," "Doom With A View," "Coal Miner's...
A brief note about Blockbuster
First of all, read this blockquote, then go read Spencer Hall’s entire post about Blockbuster. Do these things immediately.
Blockbuster’s selection made sense only in the sense that there was an alphabetical order, and sections, and then the words on those tapes were arranged in something like alphabetical order. Blockbuster would have one copy of Lawrence of Arabia. They would have...
I went to a bookstore in 2013
I spent a huge chunk of yesterday afternoon in a local Barnes & Noble. Here is my report:
- There was a girl sitting a few tables away from me in the coffee shop who was meeting with her tutor. Today’s lesson: trigonometry. Catching bits and pieces of their conversation — “blah blah sine, something something cosine” — kicked off a three-step process in my brain....
Sometimes bad things happen.
Sometimes you put on a brand new shirt and immediately spill coffee on it. Sometimes you schedule a big outdoor party and it rains cats and dogs all day long. Sometimes a driver gets distracted and rear-ends you on your way to work. Sometimes a loved one gets very sick suddenly and seemingly without explanation. Sometimes a baby is born with significant mental or physical problems. And, sometimes,...
'Nathan For You': Inside Comedy Central's... →
Read this and watch the show a lot.
Anonymous asked: One time this guy drove a motorcycle with a sidecar down my street and he had a husky in the sidecar and it was the best day of my life thus far.
Anonymous asked: oh daynja, where art thou?
March 2013
21 posts
diffland asked: Did you feel as bereft as I did after Jerry Orbach died? Still feels strange during the repeats.
koloradochick asked: How come you get to watch TV all day and all nite? Is that your job? If that is your job, do you have a dress code? Whats your favorite show? Mine is Tosh.0 do you ever watch that? Have you ever met Brad Pitt?
Anonymous asked: That brings me to how mad do you think Amanda Bynes vagina is at her? First of all she wants it to be straight up murdered but I'd be more offended by the fact it'd be by DRAKE. Really? Drake is who you pick? YOLO GUY? I'd want my vagina murdered by Keith Sweat or that guy with the really deep bass voice from Boyz II Men. Speaking of great 90s songs they need to make more songs like...
Anonymous asked: Did you cry during the Parks and Rec wedding episode? I usually think pretty secure in my manliness but I cried like a 10 year old girl and haven't admitted it to anyone.
Anonymous asked: Hey DG, @Deanosaurian here. My question is: do you think the Fast and Furious franchise will develop time-travel technology? I bet they build a rad V12 450zx Twin-charged Turbo Lightning Cobra with, like, 20,000 levels of torque (I do not know a lot about cars). And the key is that it only works if the car goes 88mph WHILE IN FREE FALL! Forget pulling a car with horses, forget pushing it with...
Anonymous asked: I have already asked you this on twitter, but wanted to see what you would do with the chance to elaborate. So, The Rock has that commercial where he has to put off saving the world until he can track down some milk. If you could be in a commercial about a breakfast food, what's the food and what's the plot? Your original answer was: "Breakfast sandwiches, and the plot is that I eat...
Anonymous asked: I'm sober but I need (want) to know when is it acceptable to eat a hot dog plain?
I am going to answer some of the questions I got...
Apologies to your Dashboards.
Here is the plan.
Are you drunk? Are you going to get drunk? Great! Send drunken rambling messages/questions to my Ask Thingy, and I will answer a bunch of them tomorrow. Or not. I have ADD and things get weird sometimes, so I may just watch Game of Thrones a lot instead.
Anonymous asked: I was watching Legally Blonde today, because that is my life now and a was wondering about a few details. Have you addressed this movie's legality before? If so, disregard the rest, but is a first year law student allowed to defend someone in court? Would Chuck walking out of the courtroom upset be allowed to stay on record since he wasn't involved in the case? Are these questions even...
Anonymous asked: Danger, I have a serious conflict of interest. On one hand, I want to get fit and be in shape and all that nonsense, but on the other hand, I need to drink a bare minimum of a serious quantity of beer to stay sane in law school (sad trombone). As my attorney, what do you advise?
Australia Seems Cool
From The New Yorker’s profile of Australian mining tycoon Gina Rinehart, one of the richest women in the world:
Australians are not known for their deference to the moneyed. I once worked as a pot washer in a casino restaurant in New South Wales. It was a big kitchen, and the pot washers were at the bottom of the job ladder, below even the dishwashers. And yet we made an excellent wage...
Ranking The ‘Air Bud’ Films By Plausibility →
Hello. Over at Film Drunk, I ranked the five Air Bud movies based on how plausible it is that a dog could actually play the sport. I am making excellent use of my law degree.
Anonymous asked: Drugs?
